October 6th, 2014
As humans we experience and learn new things every day, which is understandable since our brain is constantly working to learn new information. We also discover new emotions throughout our lives, whether it be an emotion that we have never experienced or an emotion that is being enhanced to a greater level. I, like every other human being in this world have experienced great emotions throughout my life, and like every other human, not all emotions were enhanced at its greatest.
Today I want to talk about the emotion of sadness and grief. Obviously I have been sad before, because that emotion is felt by everyone when they are little and continues along their lifetime. And I’ve also experienced grief when I had lost my great grandmother about two years ago. But like I said before, the intensity of an emotion can raise to a level that you might not even know could be possible. So on the 3rd of October 2014, when my grandmother was taken by Allah (swt) my emotions of sadness and grief enhanced to a level that I had never experienced before.
The thing is, when my great grandmother had passed away two years ago I was upset but my grief was a lot less. She was amazing person, but if I’m being honest I didn’t know her well. It wasn’t because I didn’t make an effort, it was more because by the time I was old enough to understand well, she was in a mental state where she couldn’t remember well enough to understand everything. So yes, I was upset when she passed away, but it wasn’t to a level where I truly understood what it felt like to lose someone so dear to you.
Before I get into what happened on the night of October 3rd, I would like to talk about the memories I have with my grandmother. One thing I learned over the years of living so far from my family is that to feel true and honest love towards someone doesn’t take time, but the type of memory. I would estimate that I spent about a total of 2 months face to face with my grandmother (not counting my early years since I have no memory of that) and about 2 hours talking to her on the phone. And in that 2 months and 2 hours, I had grown to love her so much that it made me smile whenever I thought about just sitting with her and watching her cook or do simple activity. Because when you truly love someone, spending time with them, no matter how, is a memory that makes you smile.
My grandmother loved us all dearly. She would always put everyone before her and pray that everyone around her was safe and healthy and was happy. She never once put herself first. She was the kind of women who loved everyone and always forgave people for mistakes. She loved us like her own children and cared for my mother as if she was he own daughter. We were always in her prayer and always in her memory. She worried about us when we flew back to the United States and she cried every time we spoke to her on the phone. She missed us. She was the heart of the family and everyone in that small country side.
Every morning, after Fajr prayer she would go out for a walk and say hello to all the people in the small country side. She was a kind hearted women and smiled till the day she died. It’s easy to say you miss someone, but do you truly know how it feels to miss someone until they are truly gone from your life? A few weeks before the incident I had told myself that the next time we visited Bangladesh I would wake up every morning and go on a walk with my grandmother, it pains me to know that I won’t be able to do that. There are so many things that I would love to have told her, stories I would have loved to share with her but will not get a chance anymore. But she was a great women and she passed away the day before Eid, the day of Arafat, it was a beautiful day and I pray that Allah will take her to Jannah.
My grandmother passed away due to a stroke. She had been having chest pains and vomited the day before, but was not taken to the hospital. It was a poor choice on many peoples part, but I don’t lay the blame on anyone for what has happened. 11 hours after the pains began, my grandmother passed away in her sleep.
She was the first person that I was close with to pass away, and though I will miss her, my prayers will go out to her. I won’t feel her love anymore, but the memories I created with her will forever be in my heart.